Sid Jokes, some (X) rated

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    leave it 2 the irish

After having dug to a depth of 10 meters recently, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the English newspapers read: 'English archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots.'

One week later, 'The Kerrymen,' a southwest Irish newspaper reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 meters in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O'Driscoll, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Ireland had already gone wireless.'

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hissing sid Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfont Oldie Joined: 12 January 2005 Status: Offline Points: 10566	Post Options Post Reply Quote hissing sid Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 March 2008 at 8:00pm
	leave it 2 the irish After having dug to a depth of 10 meters recently, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the English newspapers read: 'English archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots.' One week later, 'The Kerrymen,' a southwest Irish newspaper reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 meters in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O'Driscoll, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Ireland had already gone wireless.'
	Hissing Sid It's a free country, adopt whatever PC stance you want. Just don't tell me which stance I should take just because it clashes with your opinion.

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J.R. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfontonian Joined: 31 May 2005 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 553	Post Options Post Reply Quote J.R. Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 March 2008 at 11:49am
	Dave was bragging to his boss one day, 'You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?' 'No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.' So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, 'Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!' Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. 'No, no, just name anyone else,' Dave says. 'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.'Yup,' Dave say's, 'Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington .' And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, 'Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up.' Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. 'The Pope,' his boss replies. 'Sure!' says Dave. 'I've known the Pope for years.' So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, 'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.' He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, 'What happened?'His boss looks up and says, 'It was the final straw ... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f**** is that on the balcony with Dave?'
	JR was ere

big baggles Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfont Snapper Joined: 11 January 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7320	Post Options Post Reply Quote big baggles Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 March 2008 at 3:08pm
	A young blonde woman in London was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself from the Tower Bridge. She went down to the bridge and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the Bridge crying. He took pity on her and said "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. "After all, what do I have to lose?" Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain ."What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, who's stowed me away" she explained "I get food and free passage to Europe, and he's screwing me." ''He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Woolwich Ferry. "
	need a stella and i need one now !

big baggles Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfont Snapper Joined: 11 January 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7320	Post Options Post Reply Quote big baggles Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 March 2008 at 3:10pm
	An elderly man really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, And noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that. He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis,which he left sticking out of the sand. A bit later,two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out Of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around With her cane. Remarking to the other little old lady, she Said, 'There really is no justice in the world.' The first little old lady replied, 'Look at that. When I was 20, I was Curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it.'' Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, And I'm too old to squat.'
	need a stella and i need one now !

hissing sid Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfont Oldie Joined: 12 January 2005 Status: Offline Points: 10566	Post Options Post Reply Quote hissing sid Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 June 2008 at 10:39pm
	A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of her car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
	Hissing Sid It's a free country, adopt whatever PC stance you want. Just don't tell me which stance I should take just because it clashes with your opinion.

hissing sid Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfont Oldie Joined: 12 January 2005 Status: Offline Points: 10566	Post Options Post Reply Quote hissing sid Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23 July 2008 at 8:29pm
	Bath in Holy Water > > It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the > young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and > towels just the way the old nun had instructed. > > > Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father > John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told > her to do, and pray. > > > The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the > Saturday night bath had gone. > > > 'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, 'I've been > saved.' > > 'Saved? And how did that come about?' asked the old nun. > > 'Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me > to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand > down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key > to Heaven.' > > > 'Did he now?' said the old nun evenly. > > Sister Magdalene continued, 'And Father John said that if > the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would > be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal > peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my > lock.' > > 'Is that a fact?' said the old nun even more evenly. > > 'At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway > to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God > would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt > so good being saved.' > > > 'That wicked old b******' said the old nun. 'He told me it > was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!
	Hissing Sid It's a free country, adopt whatever PC stance you want. Just don't tell me which stance I should take just because it clashes with your opinion.

tobic Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfont Snapper Joined: 11 January 2005 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 9430	Post Options Post Reply Quote tobic Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25 July 2008 at 4:22am
	There was this German lad who came out of the closet one day an announced to his mother that he was gay. After thinking for a while, she asks him: "Hmm, does that mean you put your thing into other mens rectum, and they into you?" "ja Mutta", he says, "Hmm, does that mean you suck other mens persönliche Teile,, unt they yours?" " ja Mutta", he replies Thinking quietly for a moment, she grabs a frypan and belts him on the head, shouting "Don't you ever say my cooking tastes like chit again!"
	Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

hissing sid Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfont Oldie Joined: 12 January 2005 Status: Offline Points: 10566	Post Options Post Reply Quote hissing sid Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 08 August 2008 at 1:18am
	Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital. The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Let's be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'. Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got da fingers.' 'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers? Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2008! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?' And Paddy said, ' How da fock was I 'spose to pick dem up?'
	Hissing Sid It's a free country, adopt whatever PC stance you want. Just don't tell me which stance I should take just because it clashes with your opinion.

hissing sid Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfont Oldie Joined: 12 January 2005 Status: Offline Points: 10566	Post Options Post Reply Quote hissing sid Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 August 2008 at 12:14am
	A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a > book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little > boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. > > The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.' > > The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar > like that..' > > The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the > Father of many.' > > The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two > grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!' > > The priest, getting impatient, sai d. 'I am the Father of > hundreds', and went back to reading his book. > > The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned > over and said, ''Maybe you should wear a condom and put your > pants on backwards instead of your collar.
	Hissing Sid It's a free country, adopt whatever PC stance you want. Just don't tell me which stance I should take just because it clashes with your opinion.

hissing sid Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Chalfont Oldie Joined: 12 January 2005 Status: Offline Points: 10566	Post Options Post Reply Quote hissing sid Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25 August 2008 at 1:34am
	Siamese twins walk into an Ontario pub and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two beers please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?" "Off to England next month." says John. "We go to England every year and hire a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England!" says the landlord. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture..." "Nah, we don't like that British crap." says John. "Hamburgers beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they can be so arrogant." "So why keep going to England?" asks the landlord. "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
	Hissing Sid It's a free country, adopt whatever PC stance you want. Just don't tell me which stance I should take just because it clashes with your opinion.